Enough Tribulations Peace & Deliverance Ministries

Often times when a marriage fails, you will hear the same familiar story, ‘we fell out of love with each other, or we just grew apart from each other.’  However, if those couples who are making these statements were building and maintaining intimacy and love in their marriage, then there would be no time to fall out of love, or grow apart from each other.

I will now share a story with you, which depicts how important it is to build and maintain intimacy and love in your relationship.

To those who are married, not married… and soon to be married
When I got home that night, as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, “I’ve got something to tell you.” She sat down and ate quietly. Again, I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. However, I had to let her know what I was thinking. “I want a divorce.” I said calmly.

She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, “Why?”

I avoided her question, and this made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, “You are not a man!” That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping, and I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. Despite this fact, I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Dew. I didn’t love her anymore; I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement, which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had now become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy, but I could not take back what I had said, because I loved Dew so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me, her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper, but went straight to sleep. I fell asleep very fast, because I was tired after an adventurous day with Dew.

When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care, so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce.

She requested that in that one month, we should both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. In addition, she had something more for me to do. She asked me to recall how I had carried her into our bridal room on our wedding day.

She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door every morning. This unusual request had me thinking that she was going crazy. Needless to say, just to make our last days together more bearable, I accepted her odd request.

I told Dew about my wife’s divorce conditions, but she laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. “No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce,” she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, “Daddy is holding mummy in his arms,” He said.  His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door. I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly, “Don’t tell our son about the divorce.” I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to go to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easier. She leaned on my chest, and I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized that she was not young any more either. There were fine wrinkles on her face and her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Dew about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me more stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning, so she tried on quite a few dresses, but could not find a suitable one. She then sighed, “All my dresses have grown bigger.” I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, and that was the reason why I could carry her so easily.

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at that moment and said, “Dad, it’s time to carry mum out.” Seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last-minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms, I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, “I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy.”

I drove to the office… jumped out of the car swiftly, without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind… I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door and I said to her, “Sorry Dew, I do not want the divorce anymore.”

She looked at me astonished, and then touched my forehead, “Do you have a fever?” She asked. I moved her hand off my head, “Sorry Dew, I won’t divorce,” I said.
“My marriage life was boring, probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore.  Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day, I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. ”

Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

On my way home, I stopped at the floral shop, where I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The sales girl asked me what to write on the card, and I smiled and wrote, “I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us part.”

That evening when I arrived home, flowers in hand and a smile on my face, I ran upstairs, only to find my wife in the bed – dead.

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, or a bunch of money in the bank. These things create an environment conducive for happiness, but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build and maintain intimacy and love.

Do have a real happy marriage!